Dear Readers,
I’m not sure how you feel about compliments, but for me, they are the worst. Why? Cause they get me in a very awkward spot. On one hand, someone took the time to point something out that they really liked, and on the other hand, you shouldn´t engage in self-praise, because you don´t want to look arrogant to others. But you also want to be rude to the other person.
What am I supposed to say? Do I need to reciprocate the compliment?
Just thank you and lie or straight up say that I don’t believe what was said?!
And why is it so hard to believe the other person means what they say?!
Most of the time, because I just don’t believe what is said, some compliments seem illogical to me or are clearly a lie.
So what are you supposed to do?
Generally speaking, simply answering with a “Thank you” or “That´s very kind of you” is usually enough. If you see a compliment as a gift, the first thing you would answer is “Thank you” regardless of what the gift is. This also validates the other person who took the time to point something out they liked. Body language can make a big difference here. A small smile towards the person can convey that you are grateful, even if you’re feeling uncomfortable.
And why is it so hard to believe the other person means what they say?
Well, sometimes we know that a compliment is not meant truthfully or is even backhanded like : “Oh, you look nice today. Why don´t you always dress like that?” . In this case, you are free to just not reply or only reply to the positive aspect of the “compliment”. A simple “Thank you” can often end further discussions without being rude. This can be helpful, especially in a family or work environment where you want to avoid further interactions.
A “thank you” even helps when you don´t believe in the compliment you have received. This mostly happens when you don´t see something in the same way as the person who pointed it out. “You are beautiful!” “You really did great,” “Wow, that looks great!” are things that are hard to believe about yourself when you are not confident. But these things are very subjective. Just because you don´t feel like it, it doesn´t mean someone else doesn´t either. So, refusing a compliment is also kind of invalidating someone else’s opinion. But everyone’s feelings are valid.
If you are having a hard time with something specific that was said, you may want to run it by someone you trust afterwards. “Someone told me my new hair color looks great on me. What do you think?” Most of the time, you get a second validation: “Yes, they were right, you look great with it!” This doesn´t mean you are fishing for compliments; it can help you figure out how to trust your instincts in the long run.
Do I need to reciprocate the compliment?
No, except when it´s something you wanted to point out anyway. If we are going back to our gift comparison, you also don´t reciprocate an unexpected gift. Someone saw something and thought of you, and just gives it to you, is a simple way of showing appreciation. The same goes for a compliment.
How do you handle compliments? Do you have problems receiving them, or are you totally confident with them?
Best,
Ace
(Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-be-a-burden/202404/how-to-accept-compliments, https://www.jlc.consulting/post/accept-praise-more-gracefully, https://www.tryhighrise.com/blog-posts/how-to-respond-to-a-compliment, https://www.wikihow.com/Take-Compliments, https://www.howcommunicationworks.com/blog/2020/12/30/how-to-accept-compliments-and-why-its-so-hard)