Dear Readers,
About a week ago I had a very interesting conversation with dear friends of mine that inspired me. The topic of conversation was the way we individually show someone our love, friendship, and appreciation.
Since people tend to think that being physical or physical touch is a very important sign of love and affection, I was wondering how I show my love to others as an ACE. And what I see as a sign of love/affection. Does an ” I appreciate you!” Or a rose as a gift to show me that someone loves me and cares for me? Or do I feel more loved and appreciated if someone spends time with me or helps me with my tasks? Or do I need something completely different?
Sure, I’m a grey- ace and physical touch is not necessarily an issue for me (as in hugs or kisses), but other than my friends I tend to do it rather rarely.
So what is my love language then? How do I show others my love and affection?
In the 80s a marriage counselor named Dr. Gary Chapman created the concept of the so-called five love languages:
– Physical touch
– Acts of service
– Words of affirmation
– Quality time
– Receiving gift
Everybody has a love language they use to show their friendship, appreciation, or love to other people.
Since people’s lifestyle has changed and the LGBTQA+ has grown Truity challenged Dr. Chapman’s concept in 2022 to see, if the love languages are still valid. Truity came up with 7 concepts of love styles that are based on Dr. Chapman’s original languages, adapting to the new lifestyles.
– Activity
– Appreciation
– Emotional
– Intellectual
– Financial
– Practical
So that means that we as ACEs potentially just use other love languages more than physical touch.
Knowing your preferred love language and the love languages of your partner, potential partner, friends, and family might help you create a better understanding of each other.
But this doesn’t mean it solves all of the problems you might have or is the only reason you might like, appreciate, or love someone. You also might have more than one love language that resonates with you. Nobody fits perfectly in only one category. That’s what makes every one of us unique. The preferred love language can also change over time depending on your situation.
These concepts might give a direction and might help you ACE or Non-ACE to understand yourself and other people a tiny bit better, but it’s not an all-in-one- solution.
I learned a lot from the conversation with my friends about these concepts. It made me realize what I prefer to get from others, what I receive from others and haven’t noticed (and therefore maybe not appreciate enough), and also what I’m lacking in (aside from the physical touch), and what might have created misunderstandings in the past.
If you are interested in the topic there are free tests available:
Five love languages:
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
7 concepts of love styles:
https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test
Yours,
ACE
So what do you think is your way of showing love, friendship, and affection? Or did you take one of the tests?(Sources: https://5lovelanguages.com/, https://www.truity.com, https://www.healthline.com/health/love-languages, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202210/do-couples-need-share-the-same-love-language, https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538#toc-criticisms-of-the-love-language-theory)
