Dear Readers,
Recently I was having dinner with friends and we talked about relationships. We ended up talking about what we would consider cheating. Turns out this is quite a complicated and complex topic.
It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in, there’s always a boundary. These boundaries can vary depending on the relationship and the people in it. Some are tighter and some are wider. There is no right or wrong here, there are no rules, if you leave out what’s “appropriate” in the society you are living in at that moment. Normally these boundaries are something that the people within the relationship need to discuss and agree on.
So I asked myself, what besides having sex with someone else, is cheating on me? Especially thinking about an asexual relationship. And came up…without a clear answer.
I really don’t know. Up until now I only had relationships with non-Aces which means I considered having sex with someone else cheating because I kind of felt that was what was “normal”. But now, I would be open to an open relationship to not have the pressure of having to have sex in my relationship. So my perception regarding that changed drastically.
As I already wrote, I have a lot of experience in online dating. And I barely ever wondered if my partners were cheating or not. Since I´ve seen sex more as a chore than anything else, for me it´s very hard to imagine someone would do that on purpose, although I know they do. But it´s not necessarily the first thought that I have.
I have had a partner whom I had a feeling was not genuine. Turns out he had intense conversations, sexy pictures, and all with someone else while waiting for me to arrive at the train station. We were living around 200km apart from each other at the time.
But do I think they cheated? No, not really, but it’s not a cool move especially not when you just started dating and should still be in the “totally in love” phase of the relationship. It is no surprise that this relationship ended quickly after this.
I’m at a point in my life where I think that you either decide that you want to be with someone or you don’t.
I guess cheating for me would be more about my partner talking about important life decisions to someone else first or only them instead of me. Or never making me a priority over others. That doesn’t mean they can’t have a friend’s night out or go to see a sports event or a concert with others. It’s about how often or at a time we had plans as a couple.
This is what is commonly referred to as “emotional cheating”.
The page www.uncovercounceling.com uses the following definition for emotional cheating, which I think explains my thoughts and feelings towards that topic very well:
” Emotional infidelity occurs when an individual in a committed relationship develops a deep emotional connection with someone outside of their partnership. This bond often involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and personal details, undermining the emotional closeness within the primary relationship. Emotional cheating can manifest in various forms, including in-person interactions and digital communication through platforms like social media, texting, or online conversations. Emotional cheating by text is just one form, but the concept is the same regardless of method.”
So what is your opinion about cheating? What do you consider cheating?
Yours, ACE
Sources: ( https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/emotional-cheating-meaning-and-signs, https://uncovercounseling.com/blog/emotionally-cheating/, https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/emotional-infidelity%3famp, https://www.brides.com/emotional-affair-and-a-physical-affair-1102788)
