Dear Readers,
I listen to a shitload of podcasts, I love them. Facts compressed in an hourly format I can listen to whenever and wherever I want. Perfect! And for those who think I’m listening to dating or relationship podcasts, you are far off. I’m a walking cliché. I prefer true crime!
But recently, during one of those podcasts, I heard an advertisement for a Wondery podcast called ” The 82 Percent,” which is about “non-normative” relationships.
Their first episode is with David Jay, the founder of AVEN- the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. His story is inspiring! However, what I found most intriguing was the assessment of why friendships and romantic relationships are handled so differently, aside from the sexual part.
When we talk about relationships, we also always talk about commitment. With a friendship, we don’t.
While listening to this I realized when you are asexual commitment is different, at least that´s what I feel like. Not with everyone, but with your close friends and your family it is. You are much more committed to your friendships and when a friend gets into a relationship all of a sudden their commitment to you shifts to their relationship, most of the time permanently. It doesn’t mean that you are not friends anymore it’s just different and it can feel like you have been “left behind”. “Everybody is moving on, but me” is something I can relate to.
So I was curious about what commitment in a friendship contains other than accepting each other. What I could gather were the following 3 points:
1. If you want to have a committed friendship talk to the other person about it. Both of you must be on the same page about it. Sometimes this happens naturally, but if it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to ask. for it.
2. Quality time: Long-distance or local, a crucial part of a committed friendship is spending time together. It doesn’t matter if it’s talking on the phone, playing games, or having a coffee or a walk in the park
3. Consistency: you don’t need to speak every day. If that’s what happens it’s great, but it’s not what you need – set your own time frame.
For me that committed friendship happened naturally and without knowing, so I consider myself very lucky. What do you think about committed friendships? Do you have committed friendships in your life? And did they happen naturally?
Yours, Ace
(sources: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_you_have_a_committed_partnership_with_a_friend, https://www.steadfastmin.com/invest-in-friendship, https://www.wellandgood.com/platonic-committed-relationships/)
