Dear Readers,
As aces, we already know that we are not, rarely or only under specific circumstances, sexually attracted to other people. If you are aromantic, you know you are not, rarely or only under particular circumstances, romantically attracted to anyone. Regardless of that, we are still attracted to other people.
In general, there are six types of attractions, two of which we have already established. But what are the other four?
- Physical attraction: The desire to touch or be touched. Unlike the sexual attraction, the touch doesn´t have to be sexual. It can range from a hug and a kiss on the cheek over holding hands to just lightly putting a hand on someone.
- Emotional attraction: Liking the personality or character of someone. You want to be close to this person and know everything about them.
- Aesthetic attraction: Refers to the attraction to another person only by their looks. This attraction involves no feelings.
- Intellectual attraction: You admire how a person thinks and your conversation with them.
Typically, there´s more than one attraction involved when we are attracted to someone. As aces, we can still be physically, emotionally, aesthetically, or/and intellectually attracted to someone. Depending on where on the ace spectrum you are, physical attraction can be included or excluded.
Three additional factors usually help people to be attracted to each other.
- Proximity: You are physically close to a person. You know their preferred food, their choice of clothing, their interests, and maybe their choice of music. You can study their behavior in different situations and get to know their character. This helps you form a particular connection with that person, which can be good or bad.
- Familiarity: Increased exposure to someone lets them get to know you, and you get to know them. The more familiar you are with each other, the more comfortable you can be around each other.
- Similarity: How similar are you both? Do you have the same interests, or are you discovering something new together that you both were into but never got around to doing? The more similarities you have, the easier it can be to get to know the other person.
These factors can help, but please remember that they can also have the exact opposite effect. Additionally, these factors are not a requirement. As we all know, you can get to know someone over the internet who lives miles away, and you still can have a crush or squish on them, regardless of the fact that they have never been in close proximity.
You can still develop an attraction to someone who is so different from you that most people would never think this could work out. Sometimes, not knowing someone and not being familiar with them can be the reason why you feel attracted to them.
Nowadays, it feels like sexual, aesthetical, and physical attraction seems to be predominant in comparison to intellectual or emotional. So, it can easily create confusion and misunderstanding when you are attracted to someone as an ace. Especially physical attraction that is not connected to sexual attraction leads to tricky situations that some of us have probably experienced.
Knowing the different kinds of attractions helps explain to others how our asexuality works and why we can still be attracted to them, and it also helps us aces to understand why we are attracted to other people.
From experience, I can tell you that knowing still doesn´t mean that you can instantly determine which type of attraction you feel for someone.
Do you know what you are attracted to most in a person?
Best,
Ace
(sources: https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-attraction-how-they-impact-relationships-5218956#:~:text=Intellectual%20attraction%20refers%20to%20finding,learn%20new%20things%20from%20them., https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-types-attraction, https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/attraction/what-are-different-types-of-attraction/, https://www.psychologs.com/the-psychology-behind-attraction/?srsltid=AfmBOopIMEoQv4PVP60IPnUm3WjBxkFblYKF5ebvs4X7lXvMzKVBp6HB)
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