Dear Readers,
Maybe one of the most challenging topics when it comes to asexuality is the actual physical act. You wonder why because the word “asexuality” should say it or indicate it all. Most of us probably wish it would be as easy as that.
Snooping around the many asexual groups I’m in, I see a lot of posts on asexuals being insecure about never participating or being actively interested in physical intimacy. Asking themselves if something is wrong, if they miss out on something by not even trying or being weird.
With physical intimacy being on display everywhere and all the time, it’s normal to ask yourself if there is something that you miss out on. It comes naturally because it’s everywhere, and being reminded that this might set you apart from the crowd can make you question if something is wrong with you. But please don’t forget that societal views change over time. Going back in history, showing affection publicly was a big no-no, as was wearing pants as a woman. Things change over time, and society has never been a good benchmark for one’s personal life.
I often compare engaging in physical intimacy with eating food or doing sports. If you don’t like paprika, you won’t eat it, and if you don’t like playing basketball or dancing, you won’t do it. It’s as easy as that. Yeah, people will still have something to say about that, like, “Hey, paprika is super healthy,” or “But sports is good for you!” well, great, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still don’t like it. And have you ever asked yourself if you miss out on not eating paprika or not playing basketball? Probably not.
Being different from the current societal view is never easy, and not having many people who understand what you are going through can be unsettling. But never having experienced physical intimacy is not the end of the world and is not essential to living your life. If you are not interested, that’s what it is. As always, clear communication is key. Be confident about what you feel and want or don’t want. You are good and valid the way you are.
Best,
Ace