Community doesn’t always begin with a crowd. Sometimes it starts with one person, one idea, and one act of courage.
Form the beginning the page LGBTQ NWI (Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089766999305) was so kind to share and repost my blog posts on her page. The Facebook page has a ton of very valuable information on events and on different topics regarding the LGBTQIA + community, so naturally I was interested in the person behind the page.
Ace: Let’s start with you. When did you realize you were biromantic and part of the asexual spectrum?
LGBTQ NWI: I came out at age 43, five years ago. I accepted I was asexual around age 30. For a while before that, I had the thought I would wait until marriage or at least until I was in love before having sex. I knew it felt good, but I also knew it did not drive my life like it did other people. I was just uninterested in pursuing it or even dating. I had always known I was bi since high school, but I was willing to keep it to myself because of society’s pressure to behave heteronormatively.
At age 43, I decided to embrace authenticity. I came out and truly found increased joy from being my authentic self, especially in queer spaces.
But additionally, I found my micro label by joining an asexual group on Facebook. They were talking about micro labels, so I started to look into them. It was such a relief to find one that fit me to a T. My micro label is aegosexual. I encourage anyone who identifies as under the asexual umbrella to research micro labels. Learning my micro label made me feel like I fit completely in the asexual community.
Ace: I´m actually aego myself. I like labels as well, but I´ve learned that a lot of people really don´t care, which is odd to me, cause it also helped me. Why did it help you so much?
LGBTQ NWI: Because I felt so unique before that but i am really not. I know other people who identify as aegosexual too. It makes me feel like how I am is more common than people may think.
Learning there is a name for my sexuality made me finally make sense to me.
Ace: How did your family and friends react?
LGBTQ NWI: My family and most of my friends were fantastic. I did have someone tell me to check my hormones because that was probably the cause of my asexuality. Another person asked me, “What would they get out of dating you without sex?” And another person acted like an asexual person doesn’t face discrimination. Once, a doctor told me I needed to get a boyfriend to help with my depression and anxiety. So not all the reactions were great but overwhelming, I have found support from friends and family.
No matter the reactions, though, I have found that I breathe easier out of the closet. My life became so much better just by the act of coming out.
Ace: It’s good that you mainly had great reactions! And there are always a few people who just don’t get it. Are you interested in dating, or is a relationship something that you don’t necessarily pursue?
LGBTQ NWI: I have not been on a date since college. I liked dating okay and thought i would get back out there one day, but it never happened. I’m not lonely or longing for a date. I briefly tried finding someone through Facebook dating, but I was just not interested enough to keep chatting with anyone. Dating is not something I am pursuing, but I have not completely closed the door.
Ace: This makes me wonder if you experience crushes?
LGBTQ NWI: I haven’t had too many crushes since college. It is rare, but it could happen. I feel like I get a fleeting interest in someone once a decade, but it is not strong enough to pursue anything.
Ace: What advice would you give someone when they want to come out?
LGBTQ NWI: Some of the best advice I heard about coming out is that a person does not just come out once; a person comes out over and over as you meet new people or choose to share with new people. Though that could seem daunting, it is also empowering because speaking your truth starts to heal that part of a person that was told it is easier to just keep quiet. We are all worth authenticity. If you want to come out, find one safe person and tell them. It does not matter how quickly you tell the next person because you have started your coming out process. Coming out is an act of rebellion in a society that praises conformity. If you can never come out to the people around you, for safety reasons, see if you can connect with other LGBTQIA+ people online so you can be wrapped in the love and support of the community. The reason I decided to stay in the closet until age 43 was that I did not want to deal with having another thing that made me different. I am a mixed-race person with social anxiety. I felt like an outsider already, but coming out did not make me more of an outsider, not when it comes to the people who matter in my life. So, to society at large, I am an outlier; to the LGBTQIA+ community, I fit in perfectly. I was also greatly inspired to come out and live my truth after three pivotal events in my life. One, I saw a queer storyline on a reality show years before I came out, but it was inspiring to me. Two, my relative was eighteen years old, and they came out to me. Three, I got in a fight with my mother and realized she was mad at me, but did not know the real me. I felt like if my mom or other people wanted to love me or hate me, they needed to know the real me. If people reject me now, I am more at peace with it because I am no longer rejecting myself. I am okay with letting people leave my life if they have a problem with my queer identity or my vocal stance on LGBTQIA+ rights, human rights, and politics. If you want to come out, know it can be a journey. Not everyone comes out as a teenager. It is never too late to speak your truth and live authentically. I had to learn to embrace intersectionality. It is my strength, not my burden to bear.
Ace: You own the page “LGBTQ NWI” on Facebook. What motivated you to create the page?
LGBTQ NWI: I decided to create the page LGBTQ NWI as an act of activism and a way to, hopefully, build a local community of LGBTQIA + people and allies. I started this page three years ago, in January of 2023.
Ace: Do you organize events in real life, and if yes, when and where?
LGBTQ NWI: At this time, LGBTQ NWI is strictly an online Facebook page that is used to spread awareness of LGBTQIA+ events. I have been asked to co-host local events, but I have not done so yet. I have social anxiety, so it would be a huge step for me to start taking the message of LGBTQ NWI out into the community by representing this page at events.
Ace: Very nice! I love that you found comfort, ease, and happiness in the LGBTQIA+ community. How did you get in touch with the LGBTQIA community? Did you search for something locally, or did you start online?
LGBTQ NWI: I attended my first Pride event in June 2021 in Woodstock, Illinois. It is a cute and charming little town, with a town square similar to the one in Crown Point, Indiana. I continued to attend pride events in the following years, including NWI Pride, which is held near my home. I once started a Facebook group for local LGBTQIA+ people, but it only had a few members, so I decided to try a Facebook page instead.
Ace: A Facebook page is a very good option for sure. What would you recommend to someone who is just discovering their sexual identity and is searching for people to talk to? Are there any local or general events or groups you recommend and that you promote on your page?
LGBTQ NWI: IYG NWI serves ages 12-24, located in Crown Point, Indiana. For adults, Crown Counseling in Crown Point, Indiana, has a Tuesday night online free support group. And my page will let them know about lots of other pride events that pop up throughout the year. There is not a whole lot of pride events currently in Lake County, Indiana, but there are plenty within a one-hour drive.
LGBTQ Outreach of Portage has events each month to bring our community together, too. They have a Facebook page so people can keep up with what they have going on.
There is another monthly event in Michigan City where people can meet to chat and play games. The meeting is called True Colors. If anyone is interested, just follow my page for more information.
Ace: What would you like to see more people outside the LGBTQIA+ community?
LGBTQ NWI: The most important thing on earth is to show love to each other. So, I would like more people outside the LGBTQIA+ community to show love by voting, fighting, and advocating for full human rights for all.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for helping to educate people on different topics in the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as share information about events so people know where to go and thank you for the great interview and don´t forget to follow and like the LGBTQ NWI Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089766999305