Dating is a bitch!

Dear Readers,

Dating is complicated as it is. Questions like “Are they really interested in me?”, “Do they feel the same?” and “Are they really honest?” are probably the ones that are valid for everyone out there who is trying to date and with so many dating apps on the market, the options are endless. Slogans like: “Find a partner that has the same music taste!” or “Love is just one swipe away” make us hope and believe that there is that special someone out there for everyone. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, it worked for a lot of people and it will work for a lot more, but for us ACEs it’s not that easy. Additionally to all the questions of “Will they… Won’t they…?” there is another question in the back of our minds “When should I tell them and will they understand?”…

From my experience, there is no perfect timing. I prefer to tell people very early on, so they have the freedom to decide if they want to continue the conversation or not and I had quite interesting reactions. To say the least.

I once tried to date a biologist and I asked them if they know what asexuality is. They were very annoyed about the question pointing out that as an biologist it’s mandatory to know that and I was very happy that they were ok with it and that I didn’t need to explain anything. They invited me on a next date and I was looking forward to it. But when I arrived at their place it was pretty evident that they hadn’t understood anything. I mentioned it again and the answer was “That’s something that only exists in a botanical context!”…

Really?! Do I look like a damn flower?

It made me so angry I left, vomited very inelegantly in front of the house, and decided not to date again.

But with time, I understood that regardless of the timing or the situation you are in with this person there are always going to be people that don’t understand or don’t want to understand you. There’s nothing you can do about it.

Don’t let a rude answer ruin your self-esteem and your joy. If they don’t respect you, they weren’t meant for you.

On the other hand, I had also very good conversations about my asexuality. People who were very respectful and also offered options to make a relationship work which I appreciated, because it means they care.

Nevertheless, every time you get to know somebody new it’s something you think about.

What about you? Do you still date? When do you tell the person you date about your asexuality?

Yours,
ACE

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