Dear Readers,
“Why would you want to date if you don’t want to have sex?!”
That was a question that I got and at first, I was stunned for a second. Why? Because even if you are a non- Ace there are a lot more reasons to want a relationship than just being physically intimate.
Generally speaking, I think there are a couple of things that you should know before you start dating:
– Be open to possibilities. That doesn’t mean you need to accept everything. It just means not to dismiss a good connection just because they might not be “the perfect match” in some aspects.
– Respect other people’s feelings. They are as valid and correct as yours are.
– Make sure you really are up for the work that a relationship takes.
– Be aware that sometimes it just doesn’t work out and that’s ok. It happens, but failing in dating is part of the process. You learn to appreciate the good that someone does when you have experienced disappointment before.
But what options are there to date?
1. Dating within the ACE community:
This would be an obvious choice, but that might also not be as easy as it sounds.
From experience, I know that getting to know someone can be tricky because people try to find their perfect ACE match.
BUT what we ACEs tend to forget is that there is no perfect matching ACE. Much like in a traditional dating situation, you need to get to know the other person and see if you can match your preferences.
This means both sides talk about their boundaries and then you decide on a middle ground!
Why wouldn’t a grey- ACE date a sex-repulsed ACE? It’s not impossible. Like everything it needs work, patience, and understanding.
We as ACEs demand a lot of understanding from non-Aces, but I can see that ACEs are sometimes not as understanding themselves when it comes to other ACEs and their experiences.
So please always remember, your journey and your feelings are as valid as the feelings and experiences of others.
2. Dating non-Aces:
That might be the harder option, but also not impossible.
Let’s be honest we as ACEs don’t have what others would consider “conventional” relationships.
So an option could be having an open or polyamorous relationship with non-ACEs.
I know it’s not for everyone and being very romantic at heart myself that’s not necessarily something that I like.
But would I consider it? Sure, if I really have feelings for this person. That could be me meeting them half way. It takes off the pressure for the partner to be faithful to someone that openly says they are not able to meet their partner needs and also it removes the pressure of being physically intimate even if you don’t want to.
3. Be content with having a romantic or platonic crush every once in a while
Some people don’t need a relationship, but they enjoy to have a crush every once in a while.
Getting all the attention from someone, while bonding over something that both love is an amazing feeling. A so-called queerplatonic relationship is a beautiful thing and can happen to Aces and non-Aces equally.
So is Dating:Impossible after all or does it just take two people with open minds and communication and a ton of work? What do you think?
Happy Dating!
Yours, ACE
